they made it far too easy to believe that true romance can't be achieved these days

Sometimes I feel like I am saving myself up for something that will never come. Worst of all, I think that everything makes sense and I can always figure out everything. I always explain to myself every little thing that is happening to me. Everything happens for a reason, right? But, couldn't I just be wrong? Could I really let go of my ego and convince myself that I'm not a lost jewel in the sea? That I'm not special?
I am not trying to say that I want to stop believing in myself. I just think that I need to start letting people in. It's funny how I'm writing this and I'm telling myself that I can never make the little introvert in me disappear. But what if I could? Would it really hurt me to be more open and more concerned about others? I really would like to try this approach but my insecurities stop me, in a ways that I don't even notice anymore. I think that the thick skin I grew during these past four years is to my benefit. But why don't I still feel good even when I stopped letting people hurt me? What does it take for a person to be satisfied with his or her life? Is it love?
Maybe, it is not wrong to let someone to love you, and at the same time for you to love them back. I shouldn't wait for life to happen, I should make it boil with excitement myself. Even though, when I'm at my lowest, believing that I don't deserve to be loved or wanted, even then, I should not stop believing.
To be honest, I'm trying to be deep and shit but I know that I'm not. I have too many fucking thoughts in my mind that I can never piece together. Then, I just end up writing some shity ass blog entry that doesn't change anything.
It's all the same, everyday.

Welcome Back

Well, I haven't posted anything in a long time and a lot of things have happened. I'm in high school now, a sophomore. That's probably the biggest change. Also, I'm pretty much satisfied with the stage I'm in right now. Today, I thought of reading my previous posts, and God was I a weird cookie. Actually, I started posting here three years ago, right before I moved from Lithuania to America, and that was a huge change for me. Only, now I'm starting to feel like I somewhat belong here. Of course, the biggest change it's probably that I am not depressed anymore because during these past three years I was in a deep depression, without even knowing it. Anyways, I still can't really talk about it because only a thought of it makes me wanna cry. I'd rather think positive things.
Here's my face for the ending!

And I'll try to post more often from now on. Well, if I want to...

untitled

la la la la

please someone tell me what's happening.

where am i going?

words.words.words.

where's the escape?

be a good girl.

where are my friends?

colors. 

bright colors, or not.

warped thoughts.

crazy.

be here.

stay here.

just please don't leave.

and then you...

run run run.

runaway.

i'm insomniac.

tired.

closed eyes, heart.

knock, knock.

i just can't open the doors anymore.

too late.

i'm running too.

i am the same.

no difference.

same blood.

i take your path.

i collapse on the bathroom floor.

cry, cry, cry.

then you say goodbye.

dreams dreams, blah

"when you're all alone in the lands of forever,

lay under the milky way,

on and on it's getting too late out,

i'm not in love this time this night.

can't help if I space in a daze, 

my eyes tune out the other way, 

i may switch off and go in a daydream,

in this head my thoughts are deep,

but sometimes i can't even speak,

would someone be and not pretend? 

i'm off again in my World"

-A.L.

long time no see.

i don't have much to say.

i'm just dreaming, as always.

em...em..eminem?

hello

i just wanted to say that i like Eminem, ha!

it's just so weird, because i never liked rap,

but he's awesome!

his lyrics are great and cool, and all that good stuff.

i remember then i was like six, I heard Em's song Without Me (it's a good thing i didn't understand what he was saying, haha) and i remember i really liked that song's video.

then after that, i remember seeing his other videos, My Name Is, and Cleanin' Out My Closet.

so you can almost say that i always liked him, but i forgot about his wonderful rap, i guess.

so that's pretty much it.

have a great day!

"parents are pissed, but the kids love it"

daddy

all i ever wanted was just a hug, a smile, and some love, dad.

now i'm crying over something i never had.

i know you are a good man, but why did you forget about me, then?

damn.

do you think, it's easy to go out on the street all alone?

do you think i wouldn't like some warm words or your smile?

do you think it's easy to live with a man who hates you?

do you think i never loved you?

well i did and i still do.

but i never get anything back from you.

you can take your money back. i don't fucking need it. 

i only need you to make it up for all these years.
you've always said it was my mom's fault, but you don't even know her.
it was your fault.
you had a potential, but you throw it away for a bottle of vodka and some little whores at your work.
but that was ages ago. I forgive you now.
dad, i love you. i love you!

can you come back and hold me again with your firm grip in the water as you did then i was little then you were trying to teach me how to swim?

can you be a daddy i never had, because i love you, and you don't even know it.

i love the way you lie

just gonna stand there

and watch me burn

but that's alright

because i like

the way it hurts

just gonna stand there

and hear me cry

but that's alright

because i love

the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

...

but you promised her

next time you'll show restraint 

you don't get another chance

life is no nintendo game

but you lied again

now you get to watch her leave

...

baby please come back

it wasn't you

baby it was me

maybe our relationship

isn't as crazy as it seems

maybe that's what happens

then a tornado meets a volcano

all i know i love you too much

too walk away 

...

if she ever tries to fucking leave again

i'mma tie her to the bed

and set the house on fire

...

just gonna stand there

and watch me burn

but that's alright

because i like

the way it hurts

just gonna stand there

and hear me cry

but that's alright

because i love

the way you lie

i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie

eminem - love the way you lie ft. rihanna